Happy Birthday

When my son was about six or seven he thought he might like to be an architect when he grew up. I was thrilled. A little obsessive, he loved to draw perfect lines. At the time his perfectionism concerned me. Why are you so hard on yourself, I often asked him. Tomorrow is his eighteenth birthday. He has no plans of becoming an architect and is currently in the limbo that often comes on the cusp of adulthood. I look back and see all the things that I tried to change or fix or make better for him and I realize that much of it was for my own selfish comfort--the way I thought it should be. He is not at all who I imagined that small boy would become, he is so much better than that. Through all my fumbling attempts to mold him into a ‘normal’ happy child, he managed to rise above it and become who he is, not who everyone thinks he should be. I admire his courage and determination (stubbornness) to stay true. Life will try and change him as he moves into the world alone, but I have faith that he will fight it off as long as he can. It is difficult to watch him make mistakes and learn lessons. My obsession of wanting to fix things creeps in now and again, but I let him go in faith that he will continue to thrive in spite of me, not because of me.

As I move into my mid-life, I ask myself if I now have the courage to live my life as I see it and not how world says it should be. The small voice inside me says, ‘Yes’ and it grows louder every day. My son has taught me this and I am glad that I have a positive role model to look up to.  
Thank you, son. Happy Birthday xxoo