 Taking the leap can be scary, the adrenaline rushing through your veins, the fear of missing the mark making you hesitate, but then you are flying through the void and for a moment the freedom is more exhilarating than anything you’ve ever known.
This is a leap year and will not return for another 4 years. We read on social media all the various phenomenon that won’t recur in our lifetime. 800 years before March will have four Saturdays….but that does not really affect me. Leap Day has always been a day that usually slips by unnoticed, but because it is somewhat unique I always found it exciting when I was younger. Sadie Hawkins dances where –horror- we had to ask the boys and then as time moved on the possibility that if worse came to worse, I could actually propose to my beloved. There are two sides to this coin for me. Who wants to propose to a guy that can’t seem to do it first? I would have to guess he didn’t want to or he would. Guys are pretty straight forward like that. I have always been clear that I only want what is freely given. The obligatory is not worth my time, yes, maybe I have pushed, persuaded or otherwise tried to squeeze another drop when it was not due, but honestly, if you don’t want me than why bother? The other side begs, why should it be the man to ask? Dates, trips, marriages- are we not two separate people joined by a common love? Should we not have equal say? Should an important step like marriage not be discussed thoroughly prior to the commitment? We think we know one another, think that we will sort out the rest because after all love can fix anything, right? The sad truth is that all the love in the world cannot fix everything. Sometimes, love is not enough to make it work. Sometimes we miss the mark because we believe that the fairytale will happen as it should. Sometimes fear will destroy us. So now what? Do I propose because it is my right, because it is leap year and it will take the pressure off with humor, because I know in my heart and through endless conversations on the subject, we make a great team or do I hold back and wait? Take the chance of enabling the status quo or simply admitting I am afraid of rejection. Even more afraid that the hesitation. the fear of the simple act of the leap itself, could change my life forever -filled with the regret of 'if only's' Do we always know when the time is right? Can we ever be sure of success? If love is not enough, will we fight for what is? Will marriage change anything except my name and status? Or will we simply love as richly as we always do, just now with a piece of paper that says we should? I don’t know the answer to many of these questions. What is right for one, may not be for another, but I do know that I have always gone after what I wanted with a fierce determination. My heart whispers the truth and I must listen. Whatever the answer is, I do know I am looking forward to the wind in my hair, the exhilarating sense of freedom and the joy of whispering back to my heart that I was willing to making the leap.
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 Well, I missed a month- oh, no! The tides will not stop turning and the sun will continue to rise and set, and of course, the readers will survive an extra day without my wit and wisdom-- tongue firmly in cheek.
January seemed to be a long extension of the holiday season for me this year. Normally, I would be full steam ahead in to the New Year, but this time more than a few snafus in life took me on a roller coaster ride making the day to day complicated. I managed to meet my deadlines, but just barely… Fortunately I have reached the place in my life where I realize that priorities must be set—and met. The things we worry about may or may not come to pass, the little things that seem so important aren’t, and those, who perhaps—over-depend on us, will survive if we don’t quite live up to their needs. Sometimes even with the best intentions of trying to be true to all the voices clamoring for our attention, we let people down and they let us down. We need to have boundaries in place because without boundaries, we cannot be true to ourselves. Perhaps, it will help them understand how much they rely on us- the fixers, the peacemakers, the slack picker-uppers. Sometimes we make it so easy for others, so seamless, they eventually come to believe it is a right. The way it will always be. And if we dare to veer off that course—well, the sun may seem to no longer rise and set for them and they panic. So begins the cycle again. It is all too easy to blame ourselves for being weak, pat ourselves on the back for being ‘the one’ or bemoan the unfairness of it all, but if we are willing to risk the fall out and step forward, we can find our self somewhere in the morass of complication. So, it is for us to remember to take time for ourselves, to remember who we are, what we believe and how we choose to live. It is for us to make the time, take the break and remember that as far as we know, we only have one short go-round on this big rock hurtling through space and we need to seize every moment we can. New Year, New Day, New Life – markers, holidays, expectations—as always, every day is a chance to make changes. Begin fresh. Live life. Make it yours. Complications in life are the norm rather than the exception. Life itself is nothing more than one big, complicated, beautiful mess and I for one wouldn’t have it any other way. “And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” From Desiderata, Max Ehrmann, |
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