Broken Hearts
3/30/2018
 Some years ago, I read about medical phenomenon called Broken Heart Syndrome. Being a romance writer, I added it to my file of tidbits that might make a good story someday.
From www.heart.org: Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy. (Tako tsubo, by the way, are octopus traps that resemble the pot-like shape of the stricken heart.) Women are more likely than men to experience the sudden, intense chest pain — the reaction to a surge of stress hormones — that can be caused by an emotionally stressful event. It could be the death of a loved one or even a divorce, breakup or physical separation, betrayal or romantic rejection. It could even happen after a good shock (like winning the lottery.) Broken heart syndrome may be misdiagnosed as a heart attack because the symptoms and test results are similar. In fact, tests show dramatic changes in rhythm and blood substances that are typical of a heart attack. But unlike a heart attack, there’s no evidence of blocked heart arteries in broken heart syndrome. Although at the time of learning this, I smiled thinking back to teenage years when I would lament that I would certainly die of a broken heart if some boy or another wanted to break up, I now realize there is nothing romantic about heart problems. Did Elizabeth clutch her chest when Mr. Darcy walked away? Did Jane Austen write that angst from experience while her own heart palpitated and ached? (Most likely, but still, she did not die of a broken heart.) Does every chick flick end up with ‘the chick’ dying? No! Though writing from a place of pain is often the most creative and productive time for many writers. We read of long time couples who die within months of one another: the family shakes their collective head and sigh, she was broken hearted and could not live without him. I always believed that to be true. And perhaps in some ways they are the lucky ones, not the others that must learn to live without their true love for the rest of their days. I reiterate from last month’s blog: 'Rabbit, how long is forever?' 'Sometimes just one second.' Aside from the grief, pain, and death, to know that one has been loved so completely is indeed romantic. And what of the lovers lost, forbidden, unrequited? What of those who made plans and dreams that never came to pass? The miles that separate the touch of so many? How about those that spend their nights weeping into a tub of ice cream or a bottle of wine? The tough ones who push through with false bravado? Do they not too have Broken Heart Syndrome? And is there a cure? Yes, but it isn't an easy pill to swallow. Time is the only cure for many, and if not a cure, then surely a way to keep the symptoms in check and prevent further damage. Though, fortunately, I am not suffering from the Broken Heart syndrome, I recently began taking a medication for my racing pulse. Normal resting pulse for me is around 90, but the DR said we should control it and see what happens. I was horrified! How would my heart pound when my lover stepped through the door? Would it no longer race when he whispered my name? Well, after a week, that was the least of my worries. I quickly became a walking shell of a human being. Dazed and confused… unable to drive and little energy for pounding or anything else. It was as though a fog had settled all around me. Ah, but the quiet of 70 pulse rates, the lack of thudding in my chest, and the lazy days were not without benefits. As I weaned myself off the medication, I could feel the curtain lifting and could see the clear skies around me. I will probably have to start something new, but until then I am enjoying the return of ‘me.’ I am working hard to do all I can to control my physical issues without drugs and trying to remember that I have survived broken hearts before and so, I shall again. Ice Cream may not be the best choice, but I admit it does help. Everything in moderation… Stress, depression, loss, heartache can all cause very real physical problems and should never be dismissed. It is often the strongest that end up with problems as they push their issues down and carry on until it presents in a physical way. It has been a long, complicated season for me. Much has changed and continues to change, and I have finally learned that there are many things I cannot fix or control. I must simply breathe, trust and let go of the things that make me crazy. If you ask the romantic in me, I’d say, ‘my heart has been broken so completely that it cannot be fixed’ but the truth is we just need to take more time for ourselves. Time to breathe, to take care of our bodies, our minds. Time is the best medicine of all, so, take all you need- your heart will keep beating while you do. Besides, it would be terrible to win the lottery and have stress take you before you could claim your prize! Author's Note: If you are experiencing any chest pain, shortness of breath or heart related issues, call your DR or 911 immediately.
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Spring Forward
3/1/2018
 DST will soon be upon us and the days are already growing longer. It has been a long, frigid winter and I am looking forward to more sunshine.
The adjustment of an hour can sometimes take days to recover from. Almost a mini jet lag of sorts, but then, time zones have always been an issue for me. Interrupted sleep, the urge to do more, difficulty in justifying down time all grow stronger as the spring turns to summer. After long months of hibernation, it only makes sense to hurriedly prepare for the lazy days of summer. So, time marches on… we often think there are not enough hours in the day, busily hurrying from one task to the next until our bodies say enough and we drop in to bed. But time moves at a different speed for everyone. Yes, 60 seconds make a minute for us all, but how we perceive that minute is our reality of time. When life is good, and love is new, we say: I wish this moment could last forever. When life is challenging it brings to mind Alice’s question: “Rabbit, how long is forever?” To which he replies: “Sometimes, just one second.” We have such limited time on this Earth, we should be cherishing every moment, but often the days go by unheeded and turn in to years, then decades… when our time comes to move on will we wish we had more time? Or will we just wish we used the time we had differently? And what of the moments and memories that are timeless? Family and friends that have always been the closest to us. People that even after months or years of not seeing one another, pick up right where they ended the last time. Does time then stand still during the moments apart? Are vivid memories a moment from our past or a simply a way to relive these moments time and time again? They say the ancient calendar and time keeping systems were created as a way to follow the stars, track the weather cycles and give people a way to manage a day. But even without tracking the hours, days, months of our lives, time continues and shows us the natural progression of life. The cyclical nature of things. The urgency to do or the time to rest. Life does, and will go on, whether we choose it to or not, how slow or fast that occurs is up to us. DST may give us an extra hour of daylight on the clock, but the time is still the same as it was the day before. One long moment from birth until death. So much time is spent on our phones and computers. Whittling away the hours reading ‘fake news ’and watching cats play with yarn or babies bouncing on a chair is easy. Before you realize it, hours have passed. Some days, the only human interaction we have is through a text message. We always think there will be time. Time to reach out, to right a wrong, to fix, to change, to grow. While we don’t know how much time we have left, we can take those moments and make them count. We can build memories that will give us moments over and over, we can love enough to transcend time. We can share our time with those who need it most. Take a walk and really look at what is around you, read a book, phone a friend just because. Look up and smile at someone passing by, ask the clerk ‘how are you today?’ or even play with your dog. It only takes a moment and really, how long is that? Besides, you have an extra hour to fill, so, why not give it a try. Moving Forward
2/3/2018
 Tick-tock. Time waits for… and all that. I think the Super Blood Blue Moon Eclipse has stirred things up. The New Year always brings thoughts of rebirth, starting over, trying again or simply moving on to new and different things. They say- whoever, they may be- that endings leave room for new beginnings. That old memories can hold us back from a clear path forward. That we can keep them tucked away in a box to be admired from time to time, but not letting go of the past can mean we are destined to repeat our mistakes. Past memories are integral in creating who we are. Good memories, bad memories, even fuzzy memories are all stored within us and help us to make decisions every day. Sometimes they will poke us hard and say, “You really don’t want to do that again do you?” Or other times they cheer us on to new heights: “Remember, you accomplished that, so, you certainly can do this!” I have learned the hard way that revisiting them in an effort to change things, make it right, fix something, is futile. The only option we have is to use them to make different, hopefully better, choices moving forward. Can we count on them to make sure we never make another mistake? If only… but then again, would we want that? Then how would we know the next time… The world has changed so much in the last few years, I know that these growth spurts are important to progress and when my great-great grandchildren look back at our present they will see it very differently, but for now we still have a chance to rewrite our future history. Every day is a new beginning, a fresh start and with our growth we need to be cautious that we do not make the mistakes of our past. The day of the eclipse I rose early in hopes of gaining some insight and guidance from this powerful lunar event- or at least see it moving through my piece of sky, but the weather did not cooperate. Thick clouds and snow flurries. Instead, I tuned in to the live NASA feed and watched from the warm comfort of my home. As the event unfolded, comments from all over the World scrolled across the screen. I sat and watched with almost 100,000 other strangers and yet we were all joined by a common goal. To witness the incredible beauty and wonder of Mother Nature at her finest. As I read through some of the comments I noticed that every third one or so, was a wish for peace and prosperity. Not just for themselves, but for the world. I began to weep with the magnitude of this moment. Strangers from all across the globe wishing for the same thing. I believe the Universe has heard those wishes and taken them in to account. Perhaps, we now have a chance to move forward remembering our past, good and bad and begin making better decisions. We all have the same DNA at our core. We are (mostly) programmed to want the same things. So, it would serve our World if we concentrate on that and let go of all the “fake news’ out there. It is important to be aware of the changes, they remind us of past times that were a mistake. They also remind us there is so much good in the World. It is more important to move forward with hope and peace in our hearts. With a collective wish for peace and prosperity for the World. I know I sound a bit like a bleeding heart, but honestly, is there any other way to save our world? Will we live the reality of the few who wish to dictate our choices, or will we bravely continue to pave the way for a better future? Some may say, I can’t make a decision, that I’m always straddling a line, (the curse of a Libra) but I know that I must look at both sides carefully because usually, there is some merit to both– or at least I can make myself believe that long enough to make a decision. We all believe what we choose to and that is our reality. Is that wrong? I don’t think so? Why on earth would we choose someone else’s idea of reality to guide our lives. We may only have one chance here on Earth. Maybe in alternate universes we are experiencing this life in other ways, but without knowing that, this is our reality. If we can come together with a better vision of reality for our future, a collective consciousness of reality for peace, then we just might be able to make a difference. For Auld Lang Syne
12/31/2017
 Only half awake, my Facebook feed came up with Rod Stewart, a longtime favorite, singing Auld Lang Syne. Maybe it is the coming super moon landing on the first, maybe it is the end of a year that perhaps wasn’t my best, but the poignant rendition made me start to reminisce.
The very lyrics remind us to not forget the past. The good and bad times, the changes, and most importantly the people that have come and gone in our lives. Although the literal ‘raise a cup’ got out of hand somewhere down the line and New Year’s Eve is often a time to drink to excess, the kindness of raising a glass to those we love is always a good idea. I began to think of NYE past and how in my youth, I too, partook in a bit of excess, but as the years went on I realized that nothing was more satisfying than ringing in the New Year with the people that mattered most in my life. I have lived through Y2K and the end of the Mayan Calendar. I have heard prophecies claiming numerous dates that the world might end, and yet, here we are. I wanted to look back at 2017 and sort through the many challenges and heart aches that made it a difficult year, but then I realized, I’m still here, too. I made it and despite much adversity, I still have hope that 2018 will be a New Year full of promise. A year to try again. To make plans, dream dreams, and live life. It is difficult to live “the life you’ve always imagined” you will find naysayers at every turn. It’s too risky, it’s crazy, ridiculous… the list goes on. It is also very easy to slip back into the familiar, the comfortable, the easy. Your old life is constantly knocking on the door trying to find a way back in, but once you have cast it away, it is impossible to live that way again. If you analyze your past and look at the times you felt the most alive, you will find a good starting point to finding your true self. And though we all have responsibilities, we must on occasion dream about the life we would live if we didn’t have so many; “I musts.” We must not use it as an excuse! Life can be a long and twisted path, but if we don’t make changes we will never grow, never get much further down the road. I started small. Made little changes. Silly things really and it took several years and the help of the few that believed in me, to make the leap. Yes, it was risky. Yes, I’ve made mistakes and most certainly I still have responsibilities, but as I look toward many new choices that I must make this year, I only know one thing for sure and certain: I am not going back. Not getting on the treadmill to nowhere. People will shake their heads and gossip behind my back. Do I care? Sometimes, but why would I let that stop me from living my life? I have lost many people over the last few years, in many ways. In retrospect, I have spent most of my years either alone or feeling alone- either by choice or circumstance- and I have learned some important lessons. Ultimately, we all are alone in our journey, but those who walk with us down the path are integral in helping us find the way. Those who decide the road is too treacherous, would have only held us back anyway. I've heard it said that “Some come into our lives as a blessing, some a lesson,” Well I say: A lesson is a blessing. Without them we could not move forward. Each time we move forward, change routes, recalibrate and start anew, is just as scary as the first time we set out, but for each lesson we receive we bank a little more confidence, a little more faith, clarity and a little more certainty, that we are on our true path. When I was a child I took part in many family road trips, and like many others, was fascinated to find the moon following our car so closely. So, as the Super Moon rises on a New Year, I will take comfort in knowing that light will always be there to illuminate my path no matter where I go and the lessons I have learned will guide my tentative steps. I may not end up where I have planned to be, but that is okay, because I will end up where I am supposed to be. Whatever paths you choose, and wherever your life lessons lead you, I wish you a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year spent in the company of those you love. Now, won’t you raise a glass with me: for Auld Lang Syne? Love and Loss and Happy Holidays
12/11/2017
 Endings are often difficult. As another year comes to a close, I look back on the many I have been through this year alone.
Sometimes they come as part of a plan, an inevitable chain of events. Sometimes they come with no warning and take your breath away. And sometimes, they are welcome after a long arduous path has found a dead end. Regardless of which form they take, it is always impactful. Sometimes we dread what we know is coming and then by the time the moment arrives it seems almost anticlimactic. Worrying only served to drag out the pain before, and did nothing to shorten the loss after it happens. Sometimes you cannot possibly be prepared enough and no matter what you try to ease the pain, it does not make a dent in your grief. Even the good endings have their own set of issues: Guilt, regret, apathy… And there are also the endings that come and are ignored. Life continues on as before and we choose to act as if it does not matter. That somehow if we let it slide, things will magically change the eventual loss. Perhaps, it is only a partial loss or simply a change of status that will never go back to the way it was before. These endings are vague and can almost slide by unnoticed but for the niggling sadness that continues day after day as you wait for the dawning moment of realization. Experiencing loss effects everyone differently. The holiday to season offers plenty of time for reflection. Memories of family and friends of days gone by. An ornament that reminds us of someone that is gone from our lives. A recipe that transports us to grandma’s kitchen. A tradition that has been passed to a new generation that will become a special memory for them someday when you are gone. I lost my mother last month, her name was Joy. With the holiday season upon us I am constantly reminded of her in songs, decorations, and movies that proclaim, Joy to all! I am making the effort to make sure my family experiences as much of that joy as possible as they too deal with the loss. As I look to 2018, I know that I will, as we all do, continue to experience loss, but I also know, that there will be much joy and many new beginnings just around the corner. Hope is the cornerstone of life that keeps us searching, propels us forward. The world is struggling to find its way right now and trouble seems to be on everyone’s doorstep, but we mustn’t lose hope. With Christmas comes a slow, warm melancholy that allows us to feel sad. As the snow falls softly outside my window I am reminded of the quiet of winter. A candle burns in the window lighting the way home and the twinkling lights on the tree remind me that there is still magic out there, you just have to believe. Well, I still believe. I wish for you a holiday season filled with Joy and magic and a happy, healthy New Year full of incredible new beginnings. Thanks, Mom
9/12/2017
When my father passed I had a little time to prepare, but unfortunately, he was unable to communicate during those all too brief days. They said he could hear us and I knew that to be true when I told him goodbye and he kissed me on the cheek.
My mother has recently been diagnosed with Stage 4 metastatic lung cancer. The prognosis is another month or so. Although the diagnosis was a shock, it was not a surprise. I have watched her slip away for some months now. My mother has always been a caregiver. Her sisters, then her children, then her parents, and on it goes. I have been there at times to help her to care for those transitioning and have learned many life lessons, so, now as she prepares to move on, I will care for her. It is already challenging, trying not to smother while being present. Having her at home is a choice we made together and I am grateful for the time to mend fences and share memories. Although, it seems that once we heard the news, all the old hurts faded away. Perhaps it is something I will need to reconcile once she is gone, but for now, I chose kindness and love. I offer her the best care as not an atonement for real or imaginary slights, but as a part of the grieving process. Mothers and daughters are the best and worst of our relationships with life. So close, so similar, yet insisting on finding our own way until we realize that it was indeed in front of us all along. I have missed my mother for a long time now, situations that have come between us creating hurt and anger may have disappeared now, but the time lost can never be returned. I look at it as part of growing up, away from the pettiness of life and learning to focus on what is important. As my father taught me the importance of self-reliance and dying alone, my mother is showing me the importance of forgiveness and unconditional love. I try not to look back at the good times, the easy times, too much right now. It is difficult to maintain the calm demeanor I present not only for her wellbeing, but the peace of my family as well. My son is here and helping, but I remember, too, that his grandmother was an integral part of our single parent household and like a second mother his loss will be profound. One day at a time… I find myself spinning like a top on most days and bone weary exhausted at night., but somehow the adrenaline keeps me going. Hospice and her caregiver have been a huge help, but the constant waiting is emotionally draining. I may be a little lagging on the blog over the next month or two, so, please bear with me. And any prayers, good thoughts, petitions to the Universe are welcome. My goal is for my mother to die with peace and dignity in her own way. We may not want it to happen, but it will regardless, so, I plan to grant her final wishes. I know it is the right thing to do and that I can do it, because she taught me how. Thanks, Mom. Pleasure in Paradise
8/10/2017
 Originally a personalised story/audio request this sexy short is a great breezy beach read. Enjoy! Gen Kim pulled down the shade of the scratched oval window and sighed as the plane levelled at cruising altitude. The roaring hum of the engines vibrated up through her seat and she let the freedom of leaving her chaotic life behind carry her away. She had been looking forward to this holiday for a while. They both had. She looked over at Nathan dozing, his beautiful auburn hair framing his face. They had both been working hard and deserved this break. They had been so busy lately there had been but a few spare moments for relaxing and it was putting a kink in their intimacy and not the good kind. Kim squirmed in her seat as the thought of a week with nothing but sun, sand, and sex made her contemplate all the things they could get up to. She giggled remembering the fear of being searched at the airport and what Security would think of the LELO INA Wave and leather riding crop she stuffed in her bag at the last minute. Her mind began to wander, remembering some of their more intense experiences --and there had been plenty. Squeezing her thighs together, she could feel the tiny scrap of fabric between them getting damp. She pushed the cotton sundress between her legs, pressing hard on her clit to stop the tingle. “Hey baby, would you like some help with that?” She saw the desire in Nathan’s eyes before he lowered his gaze to where her hand rested and she whimpered softly. “Yes, as a matter of fact, I would. Perhaps you could crawl between my legs and lick me until I scream?” “There is nothing I would like more, but we didn’t go for the seats with extra legroom.” She gave him her best sultry pout. “It will be hours until we get to the hotel.” “Well, soon enough we will have nothing but time.” “I can’t wait.” “I have an idea,” Nathan said as he undid his seatbelt. “Wait a minute then follow me to the loo.” “Very funny, as if you would.” “Oh, I definitely would.” Nathan rose from his seat and headed down the aisle. Kim sat perfectly still, shocked and still wondering if he was kidding. Quickly, she undid her seatbelt and moved toward the aisle. She wasn’t going to wait any longer to find out. It would be terrible if someone got in line ahead of her. As she walked down the aisle toward the lavatory, she felt that all the passengers at least the ones that still had their eyes open, were staring right into her core. No stranger to attention, Kim turned on her megawatt smile as though she had a dirty little secret. Let them wonder. She tapped lightly on the door, proof of her arousal dripping down her thighs. The slide of the lock opening made her jump and she barely caught a breath before Nathan’s hand snaked out and grabbed her arm, pulling her in to the cramped space. He was serious. His jeans were open and pushed down over his hips, his cock stiff and ready to go. Kim was spinning with desire. The heat of his cock radiated through the thin fabric of her dress and she almost came when his ragged whisper caressed her ear, “Time to join the mile high club, Kitten.” She kissed him hard until his familiar groan was breathed in to her mouth. Nathan turned her to face the mirror and lifted her dress up over her delicious round ass. He drew back and spanked her hard. The close proximity and tight space making it difficult for short sharp smacks, he gave her another good smack. As her belly hit the lip of the sink, she drew in a sharp breath and Nathan grabbed her ample hips and thrust into her fully. The string of her thong was wrapped around his balls and it pulled the silky V of her panty tight against her clit, sliding deliciously across the tender bud with every one of Nathan thrusts. Kim could feel the pressure building as he pounded in to her. Giving, taking--needing. She tried to push back against him but there simply was not enough room. They fucked with wild abandon as if was the very first time, or the very last. A patch of turbulence sent them crashing in to the wall, but Nathan didn’t break his rhythm. Stroking deeply inside her, Nathan was like an unstoppable machine, hitting her favorite spot over and over again. Her orgasm so close, not even the Captain’s announcement to return to their seats and buckle up could stop them. She was going to explode; the danger of being caught, the excitement of being on holiday and her desire for her beautiful lover drove her hard and fast to the edge of ecstasy. Faster now, Nathan moved, his grunts getting louder. With each rapid stroke he pushed Kim’s clit into the edge of the sink. She couldn’t hold on much longer the waves were cresting. The plane dipped deeply into an air pocket and quickly rose back up. The scream poured out of Kim’s mouth. The adrenaline giving her the extra kick she needed, she tumbled over the edge just as Nathan pushed all the way in to her and filled her with his hot seed. Panting, they rested for a moment lost in the bliss, however, a sharp rap on the door ripped them from the fantasy. ‘If you’re quite finished?’ The sarcastic drawl of the flight attendant seeped through the crack in the door. Nathan cleaned up as best as he could and slipped out the door leaving Kim a minute to gather herself. Glancing in the mirror, she smiled. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes glistening; the glow of her orgasm lighting her face. This was going to be a very good vacation indeed. **** The Sandals hotel couldn’t have been more perfect. The small cabins were set right on the beach, partially shaded by a grove of palm trees. The expensive hotel had class and there was enough distance between the huts to give everyone their privacy. The open living dining area was neat and sophisticated. Deep mahogany furniture set off by cushions in bright vivid colors. The bedroom was immense, but it needed to be to house the enormous plantation style four poster bed. The ethereal mosquito netting, the plush linens and fluffy down pillows, made Kim want to spend the entire week in bed. The bathroom was fitted with a shower big enough for four and had nozzles projecting from the walls at regular intervals. The large sunken tub sat next to a picture window showcasing a great view of the sea. A hot shower and a view of the calm turquoise waters of the Caribbean managed to wash away the discomfort of travel. “I feel like a movie star,” Kim sighed as she stepped from the shower. Nathan stopped unpacking and smiled at her. “You are my star, Kim, and I am going to give you everything you desire this week.” “Everything?” “You name it and I am in. Lobster and champagne, moonlit walks, a nice massage and slow tender lovemaking. And of course, I definitely plan on tying you to that big four poster bed.” “I am in and I fully intend on holding you to your promise.” Long lazy days in the sun turned into passionate nights of reconnection as the gentle rhythm of the island lulled them to a place of absolute contentment. They ate too much, drank too much, and danced under the moonlight. And the sex – it was the best they’d ever had. Kim stretched out on the bed, luxuriating in the cool bedclothes against her naked skin and the scent from the flickering candles around the bed. Nathan hands were warm on her back. Lightly caressing her skin they danced over her flesh just barely making contact. Up and down he stroked, moving unhurriedly and with intent. His fingertips danced over her bottom trailing a tingle down over the backs of her thighs and calves skittering back up to press into her ample bottom. He began to knead, the pressure both pleasant and painful at the same time. As Nathan increased his efforts, Kim could feel an occasional puff of air as the cheeks of her ass parted with his movements. She spread her legs a little wider looking for the sensation of coolness to dance across her pussy. Her heart started to beat a little faster. Nathan’s sensual touch was so arousing. Wasn’t it just this morning she’d thought, ‘enough sex for a while?’ Still, she pushed her clit into the firm mattress and moaned with pleasure. Nathan hands were kneading her back and shoulders now. He paid careful attention to her neck, he knew she kept her tension there. Her body inched along back and forth on the sheets as he pushed. Her clit was throbbing now, raw with need, and pulsing with a heartbeat of its own. Her nipples were also gliding along the soft cotton and she could barely stand it, they were just too sensitive. She pressed them in to the bed trying to reduce the friction. The pressure was intense. Kim felt an edge to her need as if she were running her finger carefully along a sharp edged sword. She shuddered at the thought. She needed, oh how she needed and then he stopped. “Noooo…” Kim cried. The silk of the blindfold was cool and slippery as he pulled the tails and tightened it behind her head. “Turn over and spread your legs wide for me.” Kim’s body complied without thought. “A little wider, love. That’s good.” The pull in her tendons was delicious as Nathan took each of her ankles and tied them securely to the posts at the foot of the bed. The coarse rope gnawed at her skin. Trying to ease the pressure in her thighs, she only managed to pull it more tightly, as the sisal burned her ankles. “Try and keep still, Kim. There is nothing you can do now except cause yourself more pain.” Somehow his smile seemed visible through the blindfold and it frightened her a little. The thick leather band encircled her wrist, the snap clicking loudly as he secured it. Following with her other wrist, Kim was relieved that he would not string her arms up to the posts. Her relief however, was short lived as the stiff leather collar closed around her neck. Panicked for breath, she reached up to pull the band away from her throat. Nathan gently took both of her hands in his and placed them at her sides. “Just relax. You are perfectly safe. You know that I would never harm you.” Kim took a deep breath remembering the Nathan that she had come to know, come to love. Resignation filled her sigh; she was helpless to deny him anything. The heavy chain jangled as it was lifted from the bed and looped through the brass rings on the shackles at her wrists. It was when he then looped the heavy chain through the ring on her collar, Kim started wishing for the ropes instead. Not wanting to choke she tried to remain calm. Could I actually strangle myself like this? Breathing slowly, Kim envisioned herself lying on the bed, spread wide, the leather bonds stark against her creamy skin. She could feel her nipples growing harder and, the moisture inside her cunt, begin to run. The thought of Nathan seeing her so open, escalated her desire. “Kim you are magnificent. I love seeing you lying there at my mercy. You belong to me now and, I shall have you whenever and however I like.” Kim could hear the power of desire in Nathan’s voice and she knew every word he spoke was true. “And it was thoughtful of you to bring along some toys like this riding crop—to keep me in line,” he added, pressing the leather tail against her tummy. Softly, he dragged it over her skin. The strikes came like a tender tapping at first. Nathan focused on her right breast and Kim squirmed as the tickle of leather sent shivers throughout her body. The tickle turned into a sting as he moved to her left breast and the leather bit into her flesh. She did not want to like it, but she did. The anticipation was building as she steeled herself for the coming pain. “You like that, don’t you, baby?” Kim groaned not wanting to admit defeat so soon. “Answer me, love.” His voice left no room for wavering. “Yes,” she admitted in a breathy whisper. It was all she could manage. The thought of letting go of all control freed her and left no room for anything other than pleasure. “Now Kim, I know you might find what I am about to demand of you a little difficult, but I insist.” Kim bit at her lower lip waiting for him to continue. “While you are bound to me, you must call me Master. When I speak to you, I expect you to respond. If you do not accept me as your Master, all your pleas and desires will fall on deaf ears. Do you understand?” Kim always enjoyed the role play but maybe it was hitting too close to home. She wanted to laugh at the game, but knew that it was too late for that. Nathan was on top, for now! “Yes, Master,” she said trying to hide her giggle. Nathan’s deep laugh filled the room. “Oh, my sweet Kim, you really don’t expect me to believe that response now do you?” The tail of the crop cut sharply into the tender flesh on the inside of her thighs. “Ouch, Nathan that hurt!” Crack! Again the crop struck, this time where her thigh met her hip. Kim’s body started to writhe as the burn spread straight to her core. Her need reaching a fevered pitch, the leather bit into her clit and she screamed as the exquisite pleasure almost sent her over the edge. “Kim, do not come yet. You may only come when I allow it. If you do not control yourself, you will have to be punished.” Kim held on tightly with the muscles in her abdomen, but the harder she tried to hold back her pleasure, the closer it brought her to release. Then she felt the shape of the INA Wave against her clit, then the opening, spreading feeling as he slipped the toy into her, the sensation on top of everything was just too much, she knew she was going to come very hard, very soon. Then the sharp stinging strikes of the crop, took her focus to a new path as Nathan flicked his wrist faster and faster, causing a never-ending cascade of sensation directly to Kim’s raw nerve endings. Repeatedly, the leather tab struck her clit. Tap, tap, tap. Kim was hanging by a thread now, the juices leaking from her cunt. “Oh God, Nathan, please!” It was already too late when Kim realized her mistake and she braced herself for what was to come. Soon she realized the sensual pain she now bore was preferable to the agony of waiting, as he stopped. The urge to beg was strong, but she would not do it. Her back arched, her body tensed squeezing the penetrating toy even harder to hold back the delicious wave of orgasm that she could feel building ever higher, her chest was heaving—she waited. The thought that she could lean over and slam the chain binding her wrists into her aching mound crossed her mind, but that would give him too much satisfaction. She would have her due. “You are not playing by the rules, my dear. Would you like to try again?” Kim could hear a hint of evil humor in his voice and bristled. The metallic taste of blood assailed her senses as she bit her lip hard, refusing to give in. “Alright, have it your way Kim, but remember the rules.” A smug sense of satisfaction filled Kim knowing that she won this round and she held her tiny victory firmly in her palm. She refused to whimper as he slid the toy out from her tight wet heat, instead writhed on the bed, knowing he loved to see her hips move that way. She was determined to top him from beneath, take back control as soon as she could. Her resolve was almost shattered, as hot wax drip over her breast, dangerously close to her left nipple. Already overly sensitive, the pain thrummed through her body. The right nipple seemed to reach out in anticipation as, he poured another rivulet down her right breast. The exquisite pain was excruciating as the heat spread through her chest and down to her aching cunt. She could smell her own desire heavy in the air and knew that Nathan could smell it to. He drizzled a trail of wax down over her tummy to the very edge of her sex. Back up he went, a dollop filling her navel. She could feel the heat as he drizzled more in a criss-cross over her breasts the thin stream hardening almost instantly and causing her skin to pull. She wanted to cry out, but knew that this version of Nathan would punish her if she did. Well, that might not be so bad… The need to be filled again ached within her. And that need was so powerful, she did not panic when the hard handle of the riding crop pressed against the opening of her cunt. She wriggled her hips trying to impale herself on the smooth knob. Not as plump as her lover’s gorgeous bell end, but she desperately need to feel full. Her body began to tremble anew as he slowly eased the leather-covered rod into her. Kim’s muscles round started to contract as the thick phallus filled her. The crisscross of the leather thongs and hard metal studs scraped against the delicate lining inside her, creating a sensation so intense, she once again found herself fighting to hold back her orgasm. Slowly, he began to twist the wand, turning it so that the metal studs were continually hitting the sensitive flesh just inside her. He pushed deeper and the hard tip ground against her cervix. The deep ache was intense, but Kim could feel the pleasure beginning to wash it away. Deeper he twisted, until she was sure he had breached her most secret place. “Would you like my permission to come now? I can feel you are ready, do not fight the pleasure.” “Oh, yes please, please oh God, please!” “Please what, Kim?” “Please let me come.” “Kim, I would be happy to let you come, but you know what you have to do,” his voice was kindly, but oh, so fucking patronizing. “Oh please … “Kim… Her pride and resolve dissolved completely as her need to come took precedence, “Please Master, please let me come!” “Come for me, Kim,” was all that he had to say and, Kim’s body exploded as the climax took her. Internal muscles clenched and a warm flood gushed out of her, pushing the handle out right along with it. Screaming as if she were in pain, Kim’s cries filled the suite. “That’s a good girl. I am glad to see that you are learning how to please me so well.” Kim tried to slow the pounding in her chest, but as Nathan began smacking her clit with the flat of his hand, the aftershocks sent her headlong into another orgasm. She arched her back, her body lifting up off the bed, the rough rope scratching her legs and the collar pulling against her throat as the chain tightened against the restraints. Kim was afraid she might actually lose consciousness. Her heart was beating too fast and her breathing was coming in rapid pants. Nathan soothed her with words and caressed her hair, pausing occasionally to give it just a little tug. Her breathing slowed and she basked in the tender care that was offered her. Nathan released the collar from her neck and pressed kisses into the irritated skin. Methodically, he removed the chain and then the cuffs. Slipping from the bed, he carefully untied the ropes and then briskly rubbed her ankles to help bring the circulation back. He was so tender with her, so loving, that Kim had to work hard to keep her emotions in check. Nathan gently lifted her from the bed. The hard wax crumbled, releasing its grip from her skin leaving a road map of delicate pink behind. He carried her out on to the beach and toward the now, calm sea. Kim rested her head against Nathan‘s chest, secure in the comfort of his broad shoulders. His lips on her forehead, he murmured loving words in to the moonlit night as he walked in to the warm ocean. “My darling, Kim. You make me so happy. I am the luckiest man alive.” Lost in the soft glow of the full moon Kim simply sighed with contentment. Nathan floated on the fluorescent tide, the swath of moonlight leading them to deeper water until the buoyancy lifted them. They twirled and rolled and dipped, their bodies sluicing through the clear sea. The sweet taste of Nathan’s kiss was all Kim knew. The sea beneath them and the mystical night sky above was washing away all conscious thought. It was as though he touched her most secret places, spoke to her, and caressed her with his kiss. His kiss told her all she needed to know. And then he was inside her, filling her. Intimate, connected, one. Tender, unhurried they moved together effortlessly as the gentle waves carried them. The lack of gravity, the movement of the water, the pull of the moon- all joining together to bring them closer to release. Sounds of their pleasure rose up over the water and bounced back to them adding to the surreal experience. Drawing them deeper in to their own little world of passion. The waves of pleasure rolled faster and faster inside of Kim as she let go and allowed the sensations to fill her to bursting. Nathan groaned and his body tensed. Kim reached deep inside her soul and took her pleasure and his, the power too much for both of them as Nathan exploded inside her. His sweet release toppled her over the edge and the sounds of her pleasure were carried out to sea. **** Kim woke to a bright morning sun. A wonderful ache between her legs reminding her of the incredible night she had shared with Nathan. It was their last full day on the island and she was feeling a little melancholy. But what a holiday it had been. She thought back to the beginning. The hot sex on the airplane. The carefree days and endless nights. And all the pleasure. So much pleasure. Nathan slid in to the bed beside her, handing her a cup of tea. “What are you so deep in thought over?” “Just can’t believe it is our last day already.” “Time flies when you’re… and all that.” “I know, but we have certainly made the most of it.” “Yes we have. And we still have one more day.” Nathan kissed her sweetly. “What do you want to do?” “Mmmm, well… “My little Kinky Kitten, you are insatiable.” Nathan sighed exaggeratedly trying to make her laugh, but the truth was, it was true. She just couldn’t get enough of him. Kim responded by crawling under the sheet and using her mouth for a different purpose. Nathan sighed as her lips closed over the thick knob of his cock. She sucked on it hungrily, licking at the moisture and dipping the tip of her tongue in to the tiny opening at the tip. She loved to suck him. It gave her so much pleasure “I adore your cock,” she managed before swallowing him again, taking him deep in to her throat. He had given her so much pleasure and now it was time for paybacks. She milked his cock with renewed fervor. Sliding up and down over his length as she gently cupped his balls. He was so thick, so hard, that he was choking her a little, but she loved the feel of him in her mouth. Swirling her tongue over the head and down along the thick ridge beneath it, she ate at him while stroking his shaft to keep the stimulation level set on high. Nathan’s hips were moving and he thrust himself deeper into her mouth. His excitement spurred her on and she gave him everything she had inside her. All her desire, her pleasure, her love for him. She felt his thighs trembling. A gentle rumble beginning in his belly. She knew he was close and it made her tingle. Her own thighs tensed and as if she could feel his pleasure, she began to climb the ladder toward release alongside him. Sucking, licking, squeezing- each stroke bringing her closer too. “Oh god, baby. I am going to…” Kim moaned, her pleasure-his pleasure, pouring from her cunt as Nathan’s body jerked and he pumped his hot load down her throat. **** A final day lounging at the beach had left Kim relaxed and content. She rubbed the scented oil in to her sun warmed skin. The marks from the wax play had all but melted away. She admired the glow of her skin in the mirror before slipping the silky summer dress over her head. The fabric shimmied, gliding over her and causing goosebumps to rise on her skin as it slithered over the curve of her naked ass. She was looking forward to a romantic dinner on the beach, but when Nathan settled in behind her view in the mirror, she forgot all about the food. Fresh from the shower, he looked rested. The golden glow of sun was highlighted by the droplets of water still clinging to him. She knew how fortunate she was to have him in her life. All was right with the world. “My darling Kim, tonight will be very special. I want to make all your fantasies come true.” “Oh baby, you already have. It has been our best holiday ever.” “Well, we will just see about that. I may still have a few tricks up my sleeve.” Nathan smacked her hard on the bottom and chuckled as he left to get dressed. Walking off their meal, they strolled down the beach. A few glasses of wine fueling their aimless rambling. By the time they saw the flames licking the black sky they realized they had wandered far from the hotel. “Come on, looks like a party. Let’s check it out.” “I don’t know Nathan, there is no one else around here and we might not be welcome.” “What do think it is, a band of drunken pirates?” Kim laughed at herself and Nathan’s quip. He was right, she was being ridiculous. Probably just some locals having a party. As they rounded a group of boulders, the small cove opened up, hugging the rocks that surrounded it. A bonfire blazed in the center lighting the faces of the beautiful islanders that decorated the edge of the circle. There were three men with an almost savage look to them and Kim sucked in a breath. She hung back not sure if they should intrude, yet, wanting to join in at the same time. Her heart picked up the pace and a trickle of moisture ran down her right thigh. They were offered a drink and not wanting to seem ungracious they accepted with thanks. Kim sipped cautiously, it was delicious a local wine with herbs and spices ‘to settle the spirit,’ they had said. It tasted dangerous. The kind of drink that it so easy to swallow, but creeps up on you if you’re not careful. Her head was starting to feel a little fuzzy. She set the cup on the ground and closed her eyes. She dug her fingers in to the sand letting fine silt run over her hands repeatedly. The coarse grains began to feel like silk and a shiver ran down her spine. The intense heat of the fire and the burning in her core were mixing together and filling her with a warmth of a different kind. She glanced over briefly at Nathan, he seemed perfectly relaxed to be in this company of strange men. She knew that wasn’t right, that something was not quite adding up, but her brain was just not sorting the facts properly. She was floating, her thoughts fading away, until all she knew was sensation. She was desire. She was passion. She was pleasure. Images, scents, sounds- all faded in and out of her view. Nathan was lounging against a boulder watching her, a broad grin on his face, and his hand squeezing his obvious erection. Men, large and muscular, were doing things to her. Their coffee colored skin gleaming in the firelight. Finely sculpted abs, broad shoulders like Nathan’s, and massive erect cocks. Enormous hands caressed her, so delicate for their size and strength. Somehow she was naked now, but who undressed me? She didn’t care, her body was alive with sensation and she just wanted to feel it all. Orgasm was the last thing on her mind because she didn’t want this intense pleasure to end. They lifted and carried her to a flat stretch of rock. Like a polished marble countertop, the stone was smooth and cool beneath her. Not cool enough to soothe her heated flesh, but enough to make her feel a host of new sensations. She moved her legs and rotated her hips to caress her own ass against the makeshift altar. One of the islanders moved between her legs and dove head first in to her pussy. Lapping, licking, nibbling at the edges of her labia. Kim squirmed trying to move his lips closer to her clit, but he held her hips close to the ground, not letting her move. His tongue dipped inside her and he began to fuck her cunt with determination. The universe started to tilt, a cacophony of pleasure filled Kim’s mind. She sat up, panicked, and wondered where Nathan had gone. He would be furious with her. Why had he not tried to stop them? “I’m right here, Baby. It’s all good. They know your safeword.” How do they know? He was sitting just behind her, watching. Dancing flames flickered in his eyes along with a lust for her like she had never seen before. “I love you and I want you to experience the most pleasure possible.” Her body was trembling, but it was all so surreal she couldn’t quite understand why. Then a second man was behind her. He turned Kim on her side and draped her top leg over the shoulder of the Adonis still worrying at her cunt, his fingers now inside her, pushing against her spot. The man behind her was squeezing the cheeks of her ass, some warm oil dribbled on her skin and his long dark fingers sliding down the crevice and pressing against the tightly closed bud. He was patient, careful- tender enough as he stroked her with slick fingers, but his hard cock was dancing against her flesh and she knew he would not wait long. She had a perfect view of Nathan now. He had his cock in his hand and Kim licked her lips watching him stroke. Remembering her ‘breakfast in bed’ was enough to make her taste him on her tongue. She could hear moans inside her head, she was going to come. The man behind her pressed a finger deep into her ass just as the other began to suck on her clit in earnest. Nothing mattered now. Nothing but coming. The first finger knuckle deep, he added another and began to pump them inside her tight ass. Two thick digits continued to pump in her pussy and the pressure on her clit was ripping the orgasm from her body. They both pulled their fingers from her and she gasped, the emptiness almost too much to bear in the instant before the passion took her kicking and screaming into the oblivion of orgasm. The third man stood next to Nathan, his formidable frame almost godlike in the light of the fire. He stroked his cock as well and Kim, in her post orgasmic stupor, watched mesmerized. It appeared to grow longer with each stroke. She had never seen anything like it before and like a side show at the circus she was horrified and intrigued at the same time. And very fucking horny. She had to have that cock inside her. She tried to catch his gaze, but he remained passive, staring off into the sea. The man between her legs stood and walked over to Nathan, kissing him on the mouth. She saw their tongues dancing and darting as Nathan opened wider and devoured the offering. She wondered what it was like for him to taste her juices on another man’s tongue. She knew Nathan had always been opposed to sharing her and was still shocked that he was ok with this. She smiled from deep inside her soul. Actions speak so much louder than words. Kim groaned as the man behind her slid the head of his cock through the lips of her soaking wet pussy. He gathered her hair in one hand and pulled her head back to take her lips in an urgent kiss. Lost in the moment, she let her arousal build again. He pushed at the opening of her ass repeatedly, allowing the head to slip in and out until she was open for him. Kim tensed knowing that as much as she wanted this, it was going to be a tight squeeze. The third man stopped stroking his cock and laid down in front of her. Squeezing her gorgeous breasts, he ran his hand down her tummy and began to massage her clit. It was almost too sensitive, but soon the fear of pain had melded with pleasure and she was climbing again. Kim grunted as the thick cock pushed into her ass. Ramming it home, the young buck behind her was all the way inside her. The momentary pain made her feel as though his cock was coming up out of her throat, but once she relaxed the warm buzz of sensation crept over her skin. The man in front of her moved closer and rubbed his huge cock against her labia. The cock in her ass was moving slowly, each thorough stroke creating a new wave of pleasure. Kim reached down and stroked the phallus between her legs enjoying the feel of its immense size. Desire over ruling common sense, she guided his erection to the opening of her cunt. Pushing the head inside her, she sucked in a breath. She was too full already, there was no way they would both fit inside her without tearing her apart. Nathan was beside her now, stroking her hair and whispering words of comfort and encouragement and love. He reached between Kim’s legs and grasped the imposing cock, pushing it up in to her fully. Kim screamed as her entire body filled up with pleasure. The ache in her womb was intense, white hot and radiating from her core. She tried to let her mind and body go and focus purely on the sensations. The men moved in her slowly searching for their rhythm, stroking first separately, then together. They began to stroke opposite forces, one in and one out. The inertia carrying them away like a seesaw that had gained momentum there was no way to stop it without hitting bottom hard so, she would just have to finish the ride. Nathan leaned over close to Kim’s face and kissed her hard. She could taste him and her and the man who had tasted her. She whimpered. It was almost too much to bear, so much pleasure. But still, she needed more. “Straddle my face, Nathan. I want to suck you now. I need your cock in my mouth. Her works were punctuated by grunts and groans and panting breaths. “Hurry, baby. I need you now.” Although tricky, Nathan managed to squeeze his knees in between the two men who were double-teaming his woman and Kim tilted her head back to take him in to her mouth. Kim knew Nathan had a great view of all the action and that he was watching their cocks moving in and out of her. When her mouth closed over the head of his cock his body shuddered with relief. Kim knew he was close and so was she. She tried to focus on her task but couldn’t. She relaxed her throat and let Nathan take control just as the others had done. She was fucked. Fucked in the ass, fucked in the cunt and now, fucked in her throat. She was simply a vessel. A receptive vessel that needed to be completely full. She heard the first man nearby stroking his cock and groaning along with the rest of them. She felt the pressure, the fullness--the nerve endings firing bursts of energy that soared through her veins. The sweaty bodies moved as one, slipping sliding taking each for their own. Everything was coming to a head. Kim sensed that they each drove each other on. Surging forward and backing off in a delicate dance of timing that would finally bring them all together in ecstasy. The two men inside her grunted simultaneously. Kim felt their cocks swelling, then bursting, as they pumped jets of their hot sticky release in to her until it overflowed and ran down over her thighs. The groan of the third man was primal and sent shivers up Kim’s spine just before he shot his solitary load all over the writhing group. The domino effect continued and Nathan’s movements became jerky. Kim struggled for a breath just before he pushed deep in to her throat and filled her with his seed leaving her no room left, she had to let it all go. She could hear her own muffled screams and somewhere on the edges of consciousness the sounds of the others too, but the echoes had all joined together in a chorus of unbridled passion. The glowing ball of light inside her was growing brighter. It was going to shatter in to a million tiny pieces. Her body was pulsing, filling, the pressure pushing at the walls of her very soul until her world exploded, shooting tiny fragments of light up in to the nighttime sky. She soared up along with them, her pleasure dotting the heavens with tiny stars of pure bliss. Kim couldn’t breathe, her body was jerking with aftershocks and her heart pounded and fizzed like a steel drum. She gulped mouthfuls of air and tried to will her heart to slow down as wave after wave of orgasm washed through her. She wanted to laugh, cry and squeal with delight all at the same time but she couldn’t do any of those things. The best she could manage was to take all the delicious sensations that were filling her and store them away for another day. **** Kim was remembering. She wanted to ask Nathan how he had planned such a special night together, but she knew sometimes, it was better to just let it be. He somehow knew what she needed and he always seemed to give it to her. The plane hit the tarmac with an alarming thud shaking Kim from her daydream. Her body tender and bruised, she winced as the bumpy landing jostled her in the seat. “Welcome back to the UK, the weather today is nine degrees with a probability of rain.’ The captain sounded discouraged and the passengers groaned in unison, but Kim and Nathan looked at each other and smiled. They had found an endless source of sunshine; the memories of pleasure in paradise. Genevieve Ash 2016© All rights reserved eSensual Erotic Audio Fan Awards
7/15/2017
 So pleased to annouce that the eSensual Group has launched the first Annual eSensual Erotic Audio Fan Awards or #EEAFA’s, to profile talented Artists and Producers, and directly involve the fans of the Erotic Audio medium!
Recent press reports claim that audio is outperforming all other forms of storytelling. The Erotic Audio market is an important part of that success, and we want to celebrate the achievements of the Erotic Audio medium and showcase the talent giving satisfaction to so many listeners. These loyal and supportive fans are fueling the growing market and deserve a platform to be heard. The eSensual mission to provide quality, curated, erotic audio has proved successful; we continue to experience steady commercial growth providing us the opportunity to work with more and more narrators and creators of quality audio erotica. This important international market is often overlooked as are the many great artists active in this popular field. We would like to acknowledge their efforts with some recognition and Kudos. This year, the inaugural live online Awards ceremony will be held on October 31. Fan nominations are in progress now and we look forward to announcing the shortlist soon so voting may begin. A limited number of sponsor positions are available. Please get in touch with interest ASAP as we expect these opportunities to fill up quickly. For more information contact us at:info@alternatepress.co.uk or visit our website: www.esensualbooks.co.uk. Widow's Walk- New Release!
6/6/2017
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